Many times you will find yourself at a crossroads, unsure of which path will better benefit you and afraid of making the wrong choice. It is precisely during the most momentous times of your life that you must learn how to relinquish control or else risk creating an emotionally unhealthy environment that hinders personal growth. The key to surrendering is to understand why you hold on so tightly to control, which is ultimately fear. To begin, let’s take a look at some life-changing moments when giving up control is necessary for your overall well-being.

1. Falling in love
Troubles can arise in a new love after seeing a side to your partner that you don’t like or when it’s difficult to accept their flaws and make room for them in your personal space. Choosing to share yourself intimately in any way can be scary, but doing so will lead to a close and lasting connection. The same applies to accepting your partner as they are. When in love, you must choose to let go of the need to control your partner, your relationship, and how much of you they are allowed to see. Instead, focus on choices that promote healthiness.

2. Getting your heart broken
While a broken heart may leave you ripe with fear of perpetual loneliness, inadequacy, or experiencing it again in the future, it’s not the end. Beyond using the past as a tool to learn lessons about yourself, don’t obsess over it wishing you could change what happened. It’s important to release control here, and resist holding on too tightly to love to manipulate it to make you happy. Give it room to breathe and develop naturally. Surrender to love, let go, and work on healing yourself.

3. Having your first child
It can be overwhelming to shift your focus and attention from yourself to a new child that needs you to survive. The urge to control and micro-manage your life may be strong, especially if your entry into parenthood makes you question your new identity. Here, it helps to focus not on what you can no longer do, but on how to encourage health and happiness for your family, and how you can show more love to yourself.

4. A career change or venture
Whether your job isn’t making you happy, or you’re contemplating a promotion, it can be difficult to relinquish control with your future, reputation, and livelihood on the line. But instead of fighting to control the outcome you want, let go and trust your gut. If you do your best, you must trust yourself to make the decision that’s right for you.

5. Losing a loved one
Loss of any kind is difficult to process and bear, the more so when you can’t control what you perceive as being taken from you. It is useful to remember that the only thing you can truly control in life is how you react to your experiences. Focus on healing and leaving the unchangeable behind.